i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
