she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
