seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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