I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
