so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
