I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
