Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
