How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
