I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
