Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
