end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
