You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
