What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
