Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
