Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
