You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
