just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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