I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
