Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
