Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
its liver damage thursday
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