I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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