If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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