Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I deserve this hangover.
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