then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
