I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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