and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
