Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
