He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
