The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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