At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
