Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
