everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
