Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
