I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
