Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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