I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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