He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
