mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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