Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
