3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
