She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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