My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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