Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize