I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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