he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sorry about my life...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
