then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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