Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
