considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize