I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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