I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
