you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
