Your dad touched me again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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