You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
