You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
