there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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