i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
third nipple confirmed
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
