He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
