i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
