Will you blow on my dice?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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