is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
