just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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