I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
