You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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