I want to walk on stilts...naked
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
