So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
