I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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