someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
