Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
