i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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