so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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