On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
