someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
