if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Randomize
