This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize