what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
