it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize