people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
