hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize