I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
