Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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