There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize