Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
