I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
