He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
