hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
