Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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