I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
