I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
as a side note pls kill me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
