I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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