We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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