She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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