Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize