How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
