i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
