I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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