I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
