Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
