I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
