he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
